Learning to let go of your preconceived notions of what is right, what is the responsible thing to do, what your duties to your family are, and what your limits are is one of the most inconceivable, mind-blowing, anti-instinctive things you can do.
I have bills to pay.
I am a responsible working adult.
I have kids to feed.
People rely on me.
I need to plan for my future.
The hardest part of potty training Tyler will be going from the sensation of a diaper he has always known to the new sensation of underwear.
Am I doing the same thing? Am I holding onto what I have always known because I am afraid of the unknown?
Will I be teaching Tyler to do something I cannot do myself? How do I teach my sons to leap from the boat and into the waters when I am a captive of a boat myself?
The Bible says do not store seeds for the future (paraphrase). I never understood this. Why should I not prepare for the future?
I don’t think there are enough seeds to feed me today and to feed me next year. By trying to do both, I go hungry and the seeds I do not use rot.
I think it is time to let go off my expectations of what life is. It is time to let go of worrying about the expectations I assume other people place on me.
Instead of worrying about tomorrow, I need to find a today that is worth living. A today that will make me look forward to more todays.
I need to let go of my fears. I am who I am for a reason. I need to listen to that person more, and stop listening to the person that I think I am supposed to be.
Time to just let go of the edge of the boat, close my eyes, and jump.
As my buddhist mother-in-law would say, “what is supposed to be, will be.”
I would rather have a family than a house.
I would rather flourish than be stable.
I would rather have joy than fear.
I would rather be me than anyone else.
From a new place in my heart,
(C) Rachel Flinchum 7/25/2013