I am one of those people who doesn’t want their kids to jump in the swimming pool that she just spent 20 minutes inflating by hand because it could get a hole.
So while I am standing there repeatedly telling Ash to stop jumping in the pool, I think about those stories you hear from other moms about the pool that survived 5 summers despite being jumped in, drug around, and any other poppable event.
Why can’t I ever manage to end up with that pool?
Well, the odds are I probably have but since I don’t let the boys jump in the pool, I would never know it.
I have seriously got to start living a little looser. I have recognized that Tyler’s autism means that our journey is more like a train on fixed tracks than a car that can alter course at any time. But I guess I am not so good at just relaxing on the ride and enjoying the view. I stay tense the entire time. Isn’t one of the best parts of being on a train the fact that for a time you can just let go and ride?
Right now the boys are getting in and out of the pool repeatedly. They are carrying the pool water in buckets and bowls to all parts of the yard. Everything is soaked. Ash is currently turning my potted flowers into “swamps.”
I am having a much better time today than I normally would. I even get to blog before they have gone to bed. I like my boys more than those flowers anyway.
Instead of managing my life more when things get crazy, I am going to try to manage less. Will some things crash and burn? Yes, but those are the things I probably am not meant to be doing anyway.
I just need to let go of my pride long enough to allow myself to figure out who I really am and not who I am “supposed” to be.
Now the dirt is being removed from my pots. Doing breathing exercises. I will not get caught up in the micro-managing scenario. I am going to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
From my heart,
(C) Rachel Flinchum 8/11/2013