I just want to send out some encouragement. All parents find themselves in this weird vortex of waking up, getting kids ready, going to work/taking care of kids, putting kids to bed, and then crashing. You find many decisions are no longer yours because you cant put a pause button on your responsibilities. Even if you are sick or hurt, you have to push through.
But in the midst of this vortex, you learn the value of new decisions. To yell or not to yell. To sit on the couch or to play on the floor. To decide your needs for a girls night out are justified. To focus on the kids being alive instead of letting their boo-boos put bars around your life.
You will wake up one day and realize you are doing this. Not just surviving or hating it, but doing it. The fatigue and aches won’t hold as much power over you. Instead of panic at the thought of screwing it all up you will realize your energy is better used towards more valuable endeavors than panic.
I have always loved my kids, but sometimes the realization that I couldn’t just take a step back from it all would make me want to run screaming.
Sometimes I will see a “mom” on a commercial just so happy to crawl around on the floor all day while their toddler plays with some fancy toy or I will hear other moms talking about how happy they are all the time raising their kids or how they never want a break and I just want to wrap my hands around their necks, shake them, and scream, “Liar! You dirty little liar! Before kids you gave me false expectations. After kids you gave me massive insecurity and self-worth issues. But I have your number now, little liar. Now you just annoy the &@$) out of me!”
Before I had kids, I would have judged. I would have thought there was something broken in a parent if they struggled or didn’t treat their children perfectly fairly and equally or went to work when their kid was sick. I was a idiot. And I am so sorry!
So back around to the beginning. Screw the super moms. Screw the expectations.
You are doing awesome. One day your new awesome will exceed your current awesome. Until then, just get up every morning and look for the small decisions that have big impact. Sometimes just get up in the morning. Sometimes you yell and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you sit on the couch and sometimes you play on the floor. You are doing awesome.
From my heart,